Being With: Quality Time with our Children

As 2024 is off to a start I am thinking about what goals I have as a parent and what other parents out there have for their goals.  When it comes down to it our children ranging in age from infants to teenagers want one major thing from us as their parents: our presences in their life.  They want us to be the WITH them.  Often times when I see families in my office one of the first things I am telling them is to be present with their child.  With our busy lives and schedules this isn’t always as easy as it sounds.  It may mean putting down our devices, not worrying about that load of laundry, deciding one extracurricular activity for our child is enough, slowing down our own lives and the lives of our child.  Being present is the absolute best gift we can give our children.  It is when we can delight in being with each other, enjoy an activity that our child loves, show interest in them as a person.  During our busy week schedules this may not even seem possible.  We wake up and rush out of the house trying to get every thing done to be ready for our day.  Then the evening comes and we may be picking up our kids from afterschool programs, sports, daycare or the like.  There is only so much time to cook dinner and then the bedtime routine starts.  We can be stuck in this pattern and see no way to dedicate time to be with our children.  The good thing is we don’t have to spend an hour or two being with our children.  Let’s choose quality over quantity.  We can decide 10 minutes on our busy hectic days is enough.  We can let our children decide what they want to do with us in the 10 minutes we have together.  Usually, I let my kids name this play time something that they want…so I can say, “Mommy, has 10 minutes for our Special Play Time today”.  At other times, it may mean that as a parent I need to drop everything and play.  I get in from a long day of work and my children’s faces light up seeing me.  How does my face look in response?  What messages am I telling my kids with both my words and my non-verbal body language?  Do they see I’m delighted to see them and they are important in my world?  In these moments I know I need to drop everything I’m doing and play or delight in them.  That may mean I don’t get to straighten up or put things away.  That may mean I need an extra minute or two in my car before getting inside so I can center myself.  The benefits to our children when we spend quality time with them are numerous.  This helps reduce anxiety and stress, increased the parent-child relationship, decrease sibling rivalry, increase self-esteem and reduce tantrums among other things.  Being with our children is the most important gift we can give them!